A Little Reminder To Myself

Just wanted to give myself a pat on the back. Here I am a month in without medication and going through daily emotional roller coaster and I am doing so well. The depression has been the hardest by far but still I press on.

Yesterday pushed me to a potentially dangerous place. But as I have found out over the past year, going to my blog has been a huge therapeutic tool. I can sometimes spend an hour or more searching for tips, pictures or quotes or rewriting my post till it feels right. Except my last one. That one I just wrote and posted.

A year ago I would have lost it over the things that I am facing daily right now. I would become useless, enraged or obsessed depending on the situation and sometimes just my stupid mood.

Last night as I was writing my blog on tips to deal with angry people, my daughter kept coming in trying to distract me because she was bored. My husband kept calling me from the kitchen. But I told her for the 4th time I am busy so she finally left me alone and I pretty much ignored him.

Last week I was ready to give up. This week except last night, I simply copied and pasted what I needed to hear and it’s working.

To sit alone just focusing my energy on this task has become so intricate to making changes I didn’t think I could. Aside from being an outlet for me it inspires me to do better.

Another thing that happened prior to the mean person yesterday was deciding that I am pushing through this depression starting now. Nell and I have both been in a very co-dependent slump and I made a deal with her that we are going to start a morning itinerary of our own to dos for the day. We are going to hold each other accountable if we catch each other sitting too long. Starting this morning we are going to push.

We are going to take a shower with our first cup of coffee regardless if I’m working at home.
We are going to take a 30 minute walk with the kids and dog (thank you sunshine post).7:30 – 8 am when I am home, afternoons or evenings when I have outside appointments.
We will take the kids to the library and park once a week
Eat regularly and healthy meals (I sometimes don’t eat till dinner) and will have dinner ready when the guys come home.
She will make work lunches the night before for her husband, I will pre-make coffee for everyone before we go to bed.
I will work at least once a week on finishing my office and work on catching up loose ends on my desk, she will pound the pavement for a rental and follow through on necessary errands.

I am taping this list to a few spots around the house and as my screensaver on my phone. These 6 things are all I have to do.

I can’t help that I feel like mush, wrapped in darkness, wrapped in self pity, wrapped in heavy. I can however do what I have been doing in my blog… inspire myself.

1 more and done

And tested again. Girl keeps saying irrational things even just now via message. But i am doing what i learned… not responding. Sorry i want to tell her off. Punch her in the face…. ok deep breath… so glad for my blog. I am able to release a lot by doing this. Thanks for listening.

HOW TO RESPOND TO MEAN PEOPLE

I have noticed that the kinder I am the meaner people can be. Today was no exception. I agreed to do work for someone who had a very small budget (as in charging a flat fee for what would amount to about 1/4 of what I normally charge. I do things such as these because I have absolute compassion when people are in need I want to help.

I won’t go into details, cause I don’t want to make it about the actual situation. But I will say that I spent a lot of time at no charge just trying to get her to the point of set up so I could begin working, because she didn’t come prepared. But, when I had exhausted my cost free options, she became mean. As it goes when people are mean in the face of my bending over backwards I get hurt. I mull it around in my head and this time I decided she doesn’t deserve my time feeling angry at her. As the saying goes… it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Yes I am blogging about it but only to say that I realize it is her issue, not mine. I thought maybe someone else at times feels like a sucker too and wanted to say I feel ya. I try so hard to remember that I have also done much wrong in my life and God forgave me. Yes I asked but still…. I know that people have reasons for being spiteful or rude. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe they perceive they are being wronged in spite of lack of evidence, maybe life just made them bitter.

I used this particular opportunity to look up some suggestions on how to deal with mean people and I found a great article confirming on my conclusion and offering helpful tools. I know I tend to cheat using others insight but to me it’s about sharing when I find something worth repeating.

HOW TO RESPOND TO MEAN PEOPLE

Mean people are all around.

They lie in wait hoping to spring their meanness on others.

They can be avoided. Simply don’t do anything productive and they will leave you alone.

Yet try doing something. Try producing art. Try taking a stand. Make an attempt to make the world better and you will be ambushed.

Mean people are like wasps. They take movement as a threat so they attack. Stay still and you are safe. Move and you are the enemy. (See: Don’t Be a Facebook Piranha)

Good people, however, have to move. We have to fix problems, find solutions, challenge the status quo. Good people can’t stay silent when injustice abounds. We can’t sit still when there is work to be done. We can’t do nothing when there is art to create.

Good people must act.

Mean people will attack the actors.

Which leaves one relevant question: how do we deal with mean people?

The most powerful approach to mean people is to simply ignore them.

It doesn’t always work.

It isn’t always an option. (See: The Ends Don’t Justify the Mean)

Yet far more often than we realize, the best thing to do with a mean person is to do nothing.

Ignoring someone has great power, because most mean people are looking for attention.

Like a two-year old who hasn’t learned how to get attention in a positive way, they get attention the only way they know how—by acting out.

Obviously a parent can’t ignore every bad action by a child, but energy is better spent by engaging good behavior and ignoring bad behavior.

Ignore what you can.

Don’t respond to rude comments.
Don’t react to obvious slights.
Don’t passive-aggressively write a Facebook post about them.

Simply ignore bad behavior.

When ignoring is not an option and you have to respond, consider the following:

Don’t fight fire with fire. Mean people do not give you the right to act mean. By doing so, you become no different than them.

Don’t play the one-upmanship game. The danger of responding to a mean person is the temptation is to be more mean than them. They are then tempted to be more mean than you. Eventually the ugly conversation turns brutal.1

Be firm. There is a difference between being mean and being firm. The first is inappropriate; the second is necessary. Mean people are used to walking over people; they are not used to someone standing firm. Stand firm. Be unmoved by how they respond. You are in charge of your emotions; do not hand control of yourself over to them. (See: The Number One Rule of Disagreement)

The meaner they get, the kinder you get. Make it a game. Mean people want others to be mean so they can justify themselves. Kindness takes away the justification.

Love. The command to love is not saved for only those who love you first. Just because someone is mean doesn’t give you the freedom to stop loving them. Remember, Love Doesn’t Always Feel Loving so don’t confuse being walked over for true love. But do figure out the most loving action to take toward the person and love them.

Mean people are all around, but their meanness says more about them than it does you. Rick Warren says, “hurt people hurt people.” When a mean person tries to hurt you, remember they are the ones who are hurting.

http://www.kevinathompson.com/how-to-respond-to-mean-people/

Challenge Negative Thinking

Do you feel like you’re powerless or weak? That bad things happen and there’s not much you can do about it? That your situation is hopeless? Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself and your expectations for the future.

When these types of thoughts overwhelm you, it’s important to remind yourself that this is the depression talking. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes—known as cognitive distortions—aren’t realistic. When you really examine them they don’t hold up. But even so, they can be tough to give up. Just telling yourself to “think positive” won’t cut it. Often, they’re part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely aware of it.

Negative, unrealistic ways of thinking that fuel depression
All-or-nothing thinking – Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground (“If I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”)
Over generalization – Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever (“I can’t do anything right.”)
The mental filter – Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
Diminishing the positive – Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count (“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”)
Jumping to conclusions – Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader (“He must think I’m pathetic”) or a fortune teller (“I’ll be stuck in this dead end job forever.”)
Emotional reasoning – Believing that the way you feel reflects reality (“I feel like such a loser. I really am no good!”)
‘Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’ – Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, and beating yourself up if you don’t live up to your rules.
Labeling – Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings (“I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”)

Once you identify the destructive thoughts patterns that you default to, you can start to challenge them with questions such as:Put your thoughts on the witness stand

“What’s the evidence that this thought is true? Not true?”
“What would I tell a friend who had this thought?”
“Is there another way of looking at the situation or an alternate explanation?”
“How might I look at this situation if I didn’t have depression?”

As you cross-examine your negative thoughts, you may be surprised at how quickly they crumble. In the process, you’ll develop a more balanced perspective.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm

SEE THE NECESSARY

POSITIVE THOUGHT

Good To Hear

Clinging to anything to change my perspective… Good song.

A Ray Of Sunshine

TIP OF THE DAY

Aim for at least 15 minutes of sunlight a day to boost your mood. If you live somewhere with little winter sunshine, try using a light therapy box. Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being.

I wanted to share a verse I read this morning that touched my heart so deeply. For all that is too much right now, it is going to be OK. I repeat to myself… EVERYTHING is going to be OK.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

SEE THE BEAUTY

WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Promise Yourself

To be strong and nothing
can disturb your peace of mind
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

― Christian D. Larson

(A much needed re-post from last year)

Good Medicine

“I like______ about me” (fill in the blank)

Make a list of what you like about yourself. Close your eyes and remember a time when you were doing something you liked or that turned out well.

SEE THE BEAUTY

PLAYING WITH MY GRANDSON. WE BOTH FOUND THIS ACTIVITY SO CALMING

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Good Advise

Say to yourself “I’m here for you” and then be there.

Remember how good it feels when someone offers to help unexpectantly? You can do this for yourself. Notice you don’t feel well. Ask yourself what do you need or want. And give that thing to yourself. You will feel cared for.

If you don’t hear what to do, choose something caring for yourself. If you were British you would make yourself a cup of tea for example. It is the act that feels warm and connecting not necessarily what was done.

https://bethrogerson.com/6-things-help-depression/

SIMPLE SELF CARE

SEE THE BEAUTY

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Because I Have To

Blech don’t feel like it… Don’t care. A reminder, a picture and quote. I will not quit.

Compassion: What to Say to Yourself When Feeling Depressed. Daily reminders

Have a Self Compassion mantra to say to yourself.

When it is difficult to speak kindly to yourself in your mind, a mantra is helpful. Repeat this over and over to yourself to feel calm.

In this moment I am suffering
Suffering is a part of living
I will be kind to myself in this moment
I will befriend myself in this time of need.

excerpt from https://bethrogerson.com/6-things-help-depression/

PICTURE

beautiful-spring-nature

QUOTE

overcomingc2a0depression-quotesdepression-and-anxiety-motivational-quotes-and-pictures-m2v9u1eu

Do you feel like you’re powerless or weak? That bad things happen and there’s not much you can do about it? That your situation is hopeless? Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself and your expectations for the future.

Negative, unrealistic ways of thinking that fuel depression

All-or-nothing thinking – Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground (“If I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”)

Over generalization – Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever (“I can’t do anything right.”)

The mental filter – Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.

Diminishing the positive – Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count (“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”)

Jumping to conclusions – Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader (“He must think I’m pathetic”) or a fortune teller (“I’ll be stuck in this dead end job forever.”)

Emotional reasoning – Believing that the way you feel reflects reality (“I feel like such a loser. I really am no good!”)

‘Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’ – Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, and beating yourself up if you don’t live up to your rules.

Labeling – Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings (“I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”)

Once you identify the destructive thoughts patterns that you default to, you can start to challenge them with questions such as:Put your thoughts on the witness stand

“What’s the evidence that this thought is true? Not true?”

“What would I tell a friend who had this thought?”

“Is there another way of looking at the situation or an alternate explanation?”

“How might I look at this situation if I didn’t have depression?”

As you cross-examine your negative thoughts, you may be surprised at how quickly they crumble. In the process, you’ll develop a more balanced perspective.

SEE THE NECESSARY

POSITIVE THOUGHT

TIP OF THE DAY

I wanted to share a verse I read this morning that touched my heart so deeply. For all that is too much right now, it is going to be OK. I repeat to myself… EVERYTHING is going to be OK.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

SEE THE BEAUTY

WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT

― Christian D. Larson

(A much needed re-post from last year)

“I like______ about me” (fill in the blank)

Make a list of what you like about yourself. Close your eyes and remember a time when you were doing something you liked or that turned out well.

SEE THE BEAUTY

PLAYING WITH MY GRANDSON. WE BOTH FOUND THIS ACTIVITY SO CALMING

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

SIMPLE SELF CARE

SEE THE BEAUTY

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Compassion: What to Say to Yourself When Feeling Depressed. Daily reminders

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.